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Dear Nathan



This will be the 9th draft of response to your last letter which has taken the entirety of my day to compose delete and compose again. I am so upset that today I swore I could never lay my eyes upon you again or call you my brother. At this point I still have my doubts. I want to be crystal clear on what I want to say (to you my brother and all the rest of you fine folks out there). I see it as a do or die moment for this family, Nathan our relationship as brothers, and any role I might be able to invent for myself in this family which has of late evicted me from its interior. The following thoughts are, of course, just my opinion. I have no corner on objective truth although many of you believe that I think that I do. Not getting to be the final arbiter of anything I do wish to possess a voice, a voice which has been silenced by the corrupt censorship of a family who chooses to ignore one of its members in crisis by creating a collective fiction wherein the member in crisis is the autonomous agent of his own suffering and should therefore be treated as the perpetrator of circumstances rather than as a human being, wrought with human fragility and weakness and deserving of love and support whether his ill fated decisions inure to his detriment or not. That is a description of unconditional love, the kind of love which families owe one another, the kind of love that binds families together...but we of the cursed Henderson/Harvey clans do not possess any such kinship ties. We are a perverse and alienated association and we can choose love and reconciliation or we can choose intolerance and alienation. I am attempting to express these thoughts as an act of communication, not one of manipulation, subterfuge, or coercion. I ask that you suspend disbelief to consider what I say. Hold it to the light of reason and give my words a fair hearing to your own mind. At that point, whatever conclusion you draw, will be yours and I will have nothing more to say on the matter. My thoughts follow: 1. In the year or so that I was on the streets and alternately in rehabs there is much haze and fog of memory,,,,I recall either a conversation or a note from you indicating that the source of funds for one of the rehabs would be from Ana's College fund. To my minf\d you receigfved a full refund for that expense. You now indicate to me (for the first time again to my recollection, that there is an additional amount due to her account. This is a far cry from my "taking" from my niece which is an accusation so searingly inflamatory so insulting and so desrving of contempt. Who but the lowest of the low would do such a thing. Before YOU LEVEL AN ACCUSATION OF SUCH EXTREMITY AT YOUR BROTHER THAN YOU BETTER MAKE SURE THAT YOU GOT YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT BECAUSE HOLDING TO SUCH AN ACCUSATION COULD DESTROY ANY HOPE THAT YOU AND I might HAVE FOR A RECONCILIATION. I WOULD NO MORE STEAL FroM ANA THEN I WOULD CUT OFF MY OWN HEAD. No mention of the existence of this debt, no date to be has so to speak been left to creep into the deep jungle recesses of the origins of "What's so wrong with Alec..." contributing to my vilification and perceived general loathsomeness to such an extent that you now characterize an expenditure of money towards my treatment to be a "taking" by myself from Ana and generally a "mistake". This characterization underscores the intense hostility which has now for some time and continues to be directed at me by a family who has so hypnotized itself with a collective mythology about me, my life, my actions and my motives that I could not be more of a fiction if I were a comic book character. Coupled with this mythology are a small set of descriptive facts which are sacrosanct and cannot be contradicted lest I run afoul of the "These-are-the-truths-we-knowand-any-attempt-by-Alec-to-indicate-otherwise-is-a-disingenuous-attempt-at-manipulation- and-must-be-ignored" rules of engagement with me. These rules are similar to thoses of totalitarian regimes who sseek to prove the truth of their assertions through the very existence of dissent towards them. It is, in a word, tyranical oppression of dissent. These slogan like aphorisms are self proving and self defending so no real thinker need be present to take advantage of their power and not unlike the instructions to prelate priests during exorcisms in dealing with Satan to know that he will always lie at some level and every word will be a general or specific attempt to confuse or mislead the listener to his detriment. Therefore believe not one word which the devil speaks. All well and good unless the devil happens to be your brother, son, uncle etc. My corporeal existence is a real threat to this collective mythology and its no wonder I have been essentially ignored and banished from the family. To entertain my existence completely undermines this phantasmagoric world in which you all dwell where the following are absolute truths which must be clung to and repeated on the lips any time that satan speaks lest you be misled to your damnation: 1. Alec is an addict and his only motive in doing or saying anything IS TO GET MORE DRUGS PROTECT THE DRUGS HE HAS OR ENSURE A future SUPPLY OF DRUGS. 2. alec IS A MASTER WORDSMITH AND WILL USE ALL OF HIS PERSUASIVE SKILLS TO EFFECTUATE THE MOTIVES OUTLINED IN #1 (ABOVE) 3. alec WHILE USING CANNOT CONDUCT HIMSELF WITHIN THE CONTEXT OF ANY INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIP THEREFORE there IS NO REASON TO ENGAGE WITH HIM BECAUSE HE WILL SIMPLY use THAT ENGAGEMENT AS A WAY facilitating #1 AND #2 ABOVE. 4. we LOVE alec BUT WHILE HE IS USING NOTHING THAT HE SAYS WILL BE TRUE, HE WILL HAVE NO INSIGHTS TO OFFER AS TO his OWN CONDITION AND EVERYTHING HE says does OR SUGGESTS WILL BE A FURTHER ATTEMPT TO DISGORGE OF \US OF RESOURCES WHICH HE CAN THEN EMPLOY TO THE PROCUREMENT OF DRUGS. 5. Unless FREE OF DRUGS NUMBERS 1 THROUGH 4 ARE true AND ALWAYS TRUE AND ANY ATTMEPT BY ALEC TO CONTRACDICT THEM IS Further PROoF OF THEIR TRUTH 6. Any reference, criticsim , suggestion, request, hint or gesture made ny Alec with regards to any behavior, conduct,statements made by any of us is an attempt by Alec to shift the focus of responsibility from himself onto us. Therefore he cannot criticize anything we say or do because it simply further implicates him. 7. Alec refuses outright to employ strategies and treatment modalities that he knows will work. Any failure on ALEC's part to remain sober is a pure statement of selfish intent on his part, a spit in the face of those who try to help him, and a volitional option which he exercises based upon his own will and choice. Therefore any negative consequence associated with this conduct is something which Alec chooses for himself and any as to mitigate any such harm would be tantamount to sticking a needle in his arm ourselves. Thuis we must not employ any compassion outreach or engagement with alec, we must act in such a way that help[s to maximize the harm done by this conduct such that the increased severity of consequences will evnetually tip the scale of the cost benefit analysis in favor of sobriety. And beware, our policy of non-contact non-engagement non-involvement will be interpreted by Alec as a family who does not love or care about him. He will protest this non-involvement and attmept top refocus the blame on us. Oh do not bend to this temptation. Be strong and shut him out completeky lest he receive in his malignant heart an interpretation of same as an endorsement of his lifestyle. A lifestyle we know nothing about. A life we know nothing about. t; >Alec

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